I was reading an article from Thought Catalog while waiting for my dying Photoshop to process some pictures, and I realized such writings do not make me feel better or worse. In a nutshell, it was about the existence of multi-universes, in a way that things occur different in each and everyone of them, and being down in (love) luck is not our fault just because we just happen to be in the universe that is the shittest of all - this is denial. It forces people to adopt the bopian lanlan attitude but it just doesn't make sense. It pushes people to surrender to fate and not do anything about it change the situation, which is just plain stupid cause I always believed that our fate lies in our own hands.

Let's just say, such ridiculous theories of multi universes really exists, what would I be like in the rest? Perhaps, I wouldn't had given up on my stable first boyfriend for the second who was nothing but a China man who piao yang guo hai to break girls' hearts. (This one quite funny hahaha.) Maybe I would have had marriage plans by now if I didn't leave, maybe I would have met someone better than both of them, maybe I would be the happiest single girl. But the biggest maybe would be, not having so suffer a break up. There are so many impossible maybes that can happen, every single insignificant event would twist and change my life a little and I would not be where I am today.

Believing in multi universes is just stupid. I have no idea how scientific it is but I shall google for it after my nap. I may think that I'm at the worse end of the spectrum, but who knows in the future, I might just meet someone else who's much better for me, who appreciates who I am, and who isn't you. That wouldn't throw me at the end of the spectrum that balances off the happiness of the rest. I just don't know how things would turn out for me in the future and it has got to get better cause it can't get any worse.

This is jibberish I'm just too tired to think straight... it comforting to know that everything balances off and it won't hurt anymore eventually, but if its just say multi universes do exists and I'm just unlucky to be stuck at the worse end of it, my life is fucked. Please let this balance sort of thing exist within an universe itself so it takes away my pain or just rob me of my feelings so I won't fucking feel anything for him.

Actually the article only reminds me of us catching You're the Apple of my Eye together. KKKKK I SWEAR I'M AT THE WORSE END OF THE SPECTRUM AND MY LIFE IS FUCKED. Well done, the article had officially mind fucked me.

想要把你忘记真的好难
思念的痛在我心里纠缠

朝朝暮暮的期盼
永远没有答案
为何当初　你选择一刀两断

听你说声爱我　真的好难
曾经说过的话　风吹云散

站在天平的两端　一样的为难
唯一的答案　爱一个人好难

So, Man U lost the match today, and I lost my temper as well.
Oh the joy!

So, I snapped last night. I literally got possessed that the humane side of me totally vanished as though I left it in Munich. Whatever is it, it is all good. Waking up to house music instead of emo chinese songs (I don't remember leaving it on maybe my Mac understands me hahaha) and having the utmost determination to clear my very very very dirty and messy room. I can't believe I could actually live in such an unkempt place for a month.

Amazing start for the morning (afternoon actually), even though the bed wasn't as fluffy and comfy as the 5 star hotel bed from yesterday, and no champagne for breakfast with handsome boy hahaha. Nevertheless this is much better, this feeling of..... freedom.

I was reading an excerpt from Excorising Your Ex and its fucking funny I swear. Here's one:

F: You will feel free. Suddenly, your life will be filled with new options. Any behavior that your boyfriend loathed can now become part of your daily repertoire. Hooray! You can eat cookies in bed! You can eat Chef Boyardee ravioli right out of the can! Wear your rattiest underwear! Play your Saturday Night Fever album! Let the dishes pile up! Yay! No more pretending that you like his mother! No more little hairs in the bathroom sink! No more empty ice trays!

You will enjoy this newfound freedom for about ten minutes. Then you will burst into tears.

Its so good and real that it's sad, it made my life look like a ridiculous joke and it feels as though I swallowed a bunch of sour grapes but its feels damn fucking good to feel again. To feel anything but sadness. Deleting ALL his photos on Facebook was soooo therapeutic. You want to appear single to everyone else, I GIVE IT TO YOU.

Judge me and think that I'm childish or over reacting, hell, I'm done with this boy who has been a bane in my life and I'm feeling good about my new found enlightenment (?!?!?!). I have no idea what I'm saying but you get the drift. ;)

Back from Paris/Blois with a little souvenir for myself. ^^

The trip was an ~okay~ trip, I wished I had more nights in Paris. I'm a hopeless romantic, and Paris at night is beyond amazing; the warm dim street lights, the old couples, the buildings, everything was just so breath taking. But all I had was one Paris night that I ran after the bus. It was exactly the same scenes I got from Midnight in Paris, I might go back if there're cheap train tickets... AND 50% OFF DISNEYLAND RIGHT NOW. So tempting!

Traveling is such a perfect epitome of escaping. I've been having such recurring feeling that occurs when I end my travels, and when I wake up. The two of them feels so vaguely similar, I think they are essentially the same - being back to reality. Oh boy, this is not good. No good to be eaten inside out and outside in every other morning and every other travel.

How those fires burned that are no longer, how the weather worsened, how the shadow of the seagull vanished without a trace.
Was it the end of a season, the end of a life?
Was it so long ago it seems it might never have been?
What is it in us that lives in the past and longs for the future, or lives in the future and longs for the past?
And what does it matter when light enters the room where a child sleeps and the waking mother, opening her eyes, wishes more than anything to be unwakened by what she cannot name?